The Real Me

Among my core truths: I am profoundly shy. Dazzlingly awkward. Monstrously uncomfortable.

I don’t think it shows most of the time — I can gin up a personality ten stories high, can strap on a set of brass ones that carry me over the petrifying initial hump of social interaction, and lubricate the interaction with outlandish quips and booze.

But inside, sweet Jesus, I’m knock-kneed and shaky. I’m jonesing for a smoke, I’m cringing at the sound of my own voice, I’m tripping over my karmic carpet.

The result of all this is that I’m a bit of a loner. I stick to myself. I spend a lot of weekends alone. And that’s all fine, really.  I have a wonderful group of friends and I’m quite comfortable on my own and oh God, I’m starting to sound crazy-spinsterish…

Anyway, to counteract these deep-seated tendencies of mine, every once in a while I push myself.  I come up with a harebrained scheme that is going to CHANGE MY LIFE!  I’m going to ONLINE DATE! I’m going to VOLUNTEER, I’m going to GO BACK TO SCHOOL, I’m going to GET A SECOND JOB DRIVING A BUS!

Which I how I ended up at the Kennedy Center tonight, awkwardly pacing the Hall of States (there are some ugly state flags out there, friends) and not making eye contact and twiddling intently with my phone. I spoke with a very nice young woman and I swear to God, I was ridiculous. I wasn’t this engaged in impressing the woman who interviewed me at my first-choice college. Also, I called the Kennedy Center “this grand institution” at least twice. Who the hell am I?

Who knows, but maybe they’ll take me? Say nice things in the comments, in case this pops in their Google alerts….


Washington, DC, 2010

This entry was posted in Nonsense, Places and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to The Real Me

  1. lexa says:

    Obviously, they will love you.

  2. Liz says:

    “this grand institution” twice??


  3. Liz says:

    also….you’re moderating comments. insert string of clever profanity laced insults here.

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